Will this ever end?
Will this ever end?
Losing Faith, losing Hope.
I could always play “the grass is greener” game and I could always cry out “woe is me,” both involuntarily. Involuntarily because both expressions tend to ring true in myself.
Every morning, it takes more than the effort made by an average person to get out of bed, take care of personal business, then prepare him/herself for a normal day of work. For me at least. I’m incapable of burying all emotions beneath into the deep soil and work mindlessly.
I fear the outside world and its inhabitants.
I allow my mind to run restlessly and wallow in sentiments of extreme fear, anxiety and despair.
I don’t know how to thank the Lord for having Saved His beloved child and let the simple Gospel itself be an encouragement for even one day.
…but I want to know. I want the powerful existence of God to be reason for Life (because it is).
I am malignant, malicious and malevolent.
I thrive on self-pity, self-destruction, and self-centeredness.
…and so my soul dies slowly everyday.
Being a child of God means that I must understand that man is made in the image of God. I have to learn to stop placing animals above the “rank” of man and accept that despite Sin and evil, God loves His people.
God, sometimes (or OFTEN rather) I do not know how to discern Your Goodness from mere coincidence, thus making it even more difficult to accept your Goodness.
WHY AM I OF SUCH LITTLE FAITH?!
I delight in placing myself in situations that would be dangerous to my mental and spiritual being.
A million scars for every mistake.
I desire to be grateful without having to desire it.
“Self-examination by our own code produces self-righteousness.”
- John W. Ritenbaugh
